As I think the whole world knows, I do a program called DDP
Yoga. It is a very intense, challenging, and amazing program that combines
yoga, rehabilitation moves, and dynamic resistance into a series of workouts
that make your body lean, mean, and healthy. I started my journey in June of
2013. I was unhealthy, overweight, unhappy, and miserable. I got out of breath walking across the room to the bathroom. I was killing myself, slowly.
Fast forward!
A couple of months ago, I was forced to admit that I was
injured. My Achilles on my left foot was so sore that I was limping. I kept
buying different shoes, spending lots of money, thinking I could “fix” it. I
went to Physical Therapy and got help. I found out that even though I have been
doing DDP Yoga like a crazy woman (5 workouts a week, about 300 minutes a
week), my hips were weak, my glutes were lazy (don’t go there, that’s my
favorite joke - I have a lazy butt), and
I had injured my Achilles because I pushed through instead of working to
strengthen these core muscles. Now, don’t mistake this as me saying I don’t work
my core! I do Red Hot Core, which I dare anyone not to sweat through, but, my
OTHER muscles were compensating. So I got hurt. I reached out to DDP. He
emailed me back some suggestions and it opened a dialog. We got to talking
about food, and I ended up agreeing to join an accountability group he had
started.
At this point, I had already been logging my food on My
Fitness Pal for over a month (username 1RadChick, hit me up with a friend
request!). I had dialed in my calories, was watching what I ate, and had just
decided to try eating plant based. I joined and started sharing my food each
day. Every day, we share our food logs. It’s been eye opening for me, seeing
how different everyone eats, and knowing that everyone is succeeding. At this
point, my weight loss has been very slow (in my eyes). I’ve lost 39.6 lbs in 13
months. Yup, it’s a great loss, but for me, looking at some of the folks doing
this program, I’m losing at the pace of a snail or slower. I was frustrated,
but I am not willing to do drastic crazy diet measures to lose. I want to lose
in a manner that is sustainable and healthy and fits me for the rest of my
life. I have spent a lot of energy repairing my metabolism from yoyo dieting,
taking diet pills, eating Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, and just
plain starvation. I am done with all that now. As the kids say “This shit just
got real!”
Earlier this week, I popped a quick message to the
accountability group saying “I’m so frustrated, WHY am I not losing??!” DDP
himself replied, asking me for 5 days of food diaries and a few other
questions. I sent him what he wanted. When I looked at the diaries, I saw 2
entries that were not my finest choices, but I shrugged because I knew the
background and I knew that they were *still within my calories and my vegan
lifestyle.* I had managed to keep legal even with challenges, so I just sent
them off. A day or so later, he reached out again and asked me to appear on DDP
Radio. I said “Yes, as long as you promise not to Diamond Cut me on the air.”
He agreed.
Wednesday night I called in. I was on the line as they played
that amazing opening music. My accountability partner, Mark Furniss was on
Facebook chatting with me, living it with me, and asked me if I had my heart
monitor on. We laughed about that for a couple. Now I wish I *had* worn it! LOL
The first thing DDP said, after we went through formalities
of my short bio, was “So September, you had Ice cream…. Really? You think ice
cream is something you can eat on a diet? And gluten free pancakes?” I don’t
really know much of what he said after that, because, those were my only 2 bad
choices in 5 days and I literally lost it. In MY head, I was now a food shamed
failure. I heard my biggest mentor call me out and thought I had failed
completely. Obviously, that was NOT the intent or the reality but that was MY
reality. Fortunately, I had a notebook handy, and I managed to jot down ideas
that came from him and from Stacey Morris on how to improve things and get the
weight loss hopefully moving. Everyone was as baffled as I am (and as my doctor
is) as to why I’m not losing more quickly. The call out on the bad foods? It
was just meant to jostle me into remembering I’m trying to lose weight… not
maintain. (I get that now, then not so much!) I was on for almost 20 minutes!
It was crazy amazing. And at the end, they asked me to come back. And I really
will!
After the show, I sat and cried. For 3 hours. I remember
thinking “Its not worth it. I don’t care. I’m quitting.” Mark Furniss is a
totally amazing accountability partner. He is in Ireland, 8 hours away, and had
a new baby born to he and Susan last Thursday. He stayed up with me, for almost
an hour after the show, (that’s like 3 am his time!), and talked me down. He
made me understand what had REALLY happened, versus what I heard. I also talked
to John NS, Christina Russell, and Liz Collins. I have the most amazing people
surrounding me on this journey, I really do. Mike Mullins also reached out.
Just crazy caring! I railed at all of them, lashing out in anger, pissed off at
the world, and knowing that I eat more cleanly than most of the people in my
life and who I associate with online. Dammit I own my food, it doesn’t own me!
I kept reiterating my frustration and man, it’s a good thing DDP wasn’t in the
room because I might have Diamond Cut HIM before he could calm me down! :D Yep,
really, ask Christina.
Thursday morning I woke up and logged onto my computer. I
had several messages waiting for me, congratulating me on being on DDPRadio and
telling me how awesome I was. Wait, what? Awesome? What? Becky Curtis-Parker
caught me and told me I had done great. Jennifer Singletary commiserated with
how I felt but said I did really well. I started to blossom a little tiny bit.
But I was still really angry with DDP. I wrote him a long email. I told him I
felt ambushed, hurt, frustrated. I hit send, (rewrote that sucker 5 times),
talked a bit more to Becky and she said no no no! Send him a “read me first”…
and talked me back to reality. So I did. He wrote back, apologizing profusely
because of course he never meant to hurt me. He is proud of what I’ve
accomplished but wants me to have even more success. He was using me as an
example. And he was thrilled to get my Read Me First (although he got it after
he started replying!)
By mid day Thursday, I had started to regroup, and open back
up and get back to living life at 90%. I was exhausted though. Really
exhausted--Mentally and physically. I
left work a bit early, went home and did my workout. It didn’t go well, and I
didn’t really finish, but I did it, and it counted. I ate right all day, and
felt good about all of it. I also exchanged emails with Stacey Morris and got
clarification on some of what was said that was confusing to me. On the show
they told me to eat no more than 27 grams of sugar a day. Well, I didn’t hear “added
grams”, so I was trying to figure out how the heck you can only eat 27 grams
when a freaking banana has 14. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live on bananas, but
after going many many years with them being on a “never eat” list, I’m not
cutting them out ever again! So Mark worked with me a bit too, ironing out my
food, and providing input on it. It was a good day.
This morning I weighed. And burst out laughing. Honestly. I
am down 1.2 pounds this week. Really. I’m .4 away from 40 pounds. And this
after whining that I wasn’t losing. My weight hasn’t budged by even a pound for
almost 4 weeks, and now today, bam! Down.
So today, I sat down and really looked at My Fitness Pal. I
looked at my goals and I decided to re-examine them. I made some adjustments.
Are they going to be easy adjustments? I guess it will depend on the day. Are
they crazy? No. Are they difficult? Again, it will depend on the day. Can I do
it? Hell yes. Do I want to? Hell yes! I’ve
also agreed to a 2 week challenge of not eating complex carbs at dinner. (That’s
what I am doing, no complex carbs. The whole challenge is no carbs, just
veggies and protein.) Last night I had a protein shake with some tofu added for
a bit of extra protein and some amazing roasted veggies.
In short, I got this. And. I am so SO very grateful to DDP
for everything he does. He is an amazing human being, and I only hope I can be
half the person he is. Thank you for being there, listening, pushing me to be
more, and knowing I can be more. It really means a whole lot. More than you
could possibly know. I am also grateful to Mark Furniss (http://heroddpyoga.blogspot.com) for
being the most supportive (and yet realistic) accountability partner ever.
Lastly grateful to the Team DDP Yoga folks who reached out and pulled me back
to reality and made me see perspectives other than my own. My apologies to
everyone I lashed out at, life happens, thank you for caring enough to stick
with me through it. J
If you want to know more about my plant-based eating experience, which started as a 40 day experiment and has taken on a life of its own because I feel amazing, I have a facebook group set up here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/323525631145417/
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